SHEILA and the City ;-)

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Because...

...I don't want to post this anywhere else, I'm posting it here. A friend of mine ordered me to read his copy of "he's just not that into you", which I bluntly refused at first, coz I had read a few pages of it when it hit the shops, and I didn't like their tone of voice. He specifically wanted me to read one certain chapter. Which is not exactly about my situation - the one I like was married at some point, before I got to know him, but hasn't been for a while now. The waiting bit was the bit he recognised though. And fuck, so did I.

So I'm gonna quote here, obviously all copyrights are Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo's. If you're not familiar with official quoting, let me explain this much: [..] means there were more words to it, but I skipped those. E.g. because I felt one example would do. I've not read anything else in the book, am not planning to either, but if you wanna read it, I'll give you its ISBN at the end.

"Here's why this one's hard - by Liz
Because it's you - not someone you read about [..]. It's you and it's hard. And you deserve happiness [..]. The operative word [..] here is 'wait'. You have to do the waiting - the biding your time, biting your tongue, keeping your needs quiet. He's so special, that guy. (They get cynical now, Sh.) He deserves to have you sit around, putting your life on hold, not getting what you want, while he takes his time sorting it all out. He's that special. You, of course, aren't at all.
Now, I happen to be really good at biding my time and asking for little and being happy with the even less that I get. [..] I hope, like me, you'll eventually just get tired of it. [..] Sometimes boredom just has to set in. You get bored with always having less than everybody else seems to have, less than what you want. You start thinking that maybe you actually deserve better, not because you learned to love yourself [..], but just because you got bored. Bored with the same type of mysery over and over and over again. That's what happened to me, I think. I hope it will be a lot faster for you."

In the "what you should have learned in this chapter"-bit (which so reminds me of some marketing book I once had to study) they add: "You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he's ready."

I know that bit. It's the bit that says 'set him free (the horse I think it was) and if he doesn't come back to you, he wasn't yours in the first place'. I don't believe that by the way. Well, the idea of it, yeah. But I think using this phrase is so-called smart people's way of pushing you just that tiny bit further, making you decide to quit. They hope (and think they know) you won't pine for long, you will forget, and you won't even want him to come back. So that's the solution. Just make sure that person will believe the horse'll come back, in order for them to dare to quit it all, coz once they've stopped waiting, they'll forget about the buggery horse within a heartbeat, realising there are other animals out there, way more interesting. It's like water, this psychology shit, you can see right thru. Even I used this reasoning with a friend of mine once. Actually, she did find a nice guy, after dumping the bloody bleedin' one. And she's pregnant with their second child now. Oh, well.

Anyways. He's not asking me to wait. Not at all. I'm not waiting, either. Am not, period. It just seems that way. And it sometimes even feels like it. But I'm not. I'm trying to enjoy the times we see each other. It's true though: boredom does sink in after a while. I don't have any hopes of us getting together, coz I think if you really fancy someone, you just want to be with that person, whether you've got peace of mind, or not. Yet I just can't stand the idea of not seeing him again.

The book says there are plenty of nice single men out there. I beg to differ. If there are, I simply don't meet them. And I so do NOT want to get back into the whole active dating scene again. Profiles on the internet, blind dates, ugh... It's terrible. So my choice is seeing the bloke I love like once or twice a month (if and when he's in the mood, obviously), or not seeing anyone remotely interesting at all. People that don't move me one bit, don't push a single button, don't even seem to realise there are buttons to be pushed (I'm not talking sex here). Hence the difficulty I have in deciding to call it quits. That, plus the fact I really like him. Once again though, it's true, boredom's definitely raising its ugly head stronger and stronger each week.

I admit I'm like everyone else, in thinking this guy's different. And I still do. Call me stupid, I don't care. Even though I know being honest about your feelings and stuff, is not an excuse to do whatever. But then again, I have a choice, too, so what do I complain about?

Never mind. My day will come. The day I'll wake up and realise I'm ready. Ready to tell him goodbye. I'm not willing to do it on 'brainy grounds' only. Especially not while he's still grinding my beans once in a while (haha, freely quoting John here). (And yes, that grinding remark was definitely about sex. Incredible sex, I might add.) And not while I'm still enjoying our hours together.

Wondering why I'm writing all this? To get it off my chest that I KNOW, I DO. I really know how it usually works, I'm not ignorant, I watch people, I listen, I read, I remember. And I know I might regret spending so many months 'with' him. I might not. It might turn out I just wasn't ready myself. Who knows? In the end, it doesn't matter what I do. If we'll end up being a couple, people will say "it's a good thing you let him sort things out first, a good thing you waited". If we end up never seeing each other again, people will say "told you so, what a shame you wasted all this time". In other words: I can't do it right in other people's eyes anyway. The only thing that matters to me, is ME. So I'll make my own mistakes, I'll take the risks I want to take, I make the choices I want to make. Along the road I might ponder about your opinion (usually only if I asked for it), weighing it, so to speak. I refuse to make a decision that doesn't feel right. And trust me, once I FEEL what I want to do, I'll do it. Right away. Whatever you might say, think, believe.

Well, bye again. You never know - I might get back and post some more. I might not. Life's like a bloody box of chocolates, yada yada... ;-) Bye, babes!

PS Its ISBN: 0-00-719821-3

posted by Sheila Monday, August 01, 2005
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