SHEILA and the City ;-)

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LOL

So funny, they're re-running the first episode in which I could relate to Carrie. Er... yeah, I'm talking S a/t C here, haha. Anyway, I think I got to see this episode about a year ago for the first time. It's a 4th season episode.

Then she hollers at one moment: "What's the point of meeting someone like that if they're not available."
Ha, sorry for boring you (I find it hilarious) but you know who that was and still is.

Carrie also mentions the one thing that's not new, but also very well known: "...you're always looking for either a job, a boy or an apartment." Haha, forget what I said yesterday: I'm looking for all three of them!

Would be shaking with laughter if I had't macboy on my lap. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read Amber's new post! And finish my coffee, eat raisins and get another cup right after. Busy life! (Actually there is LOADS to do, but those are boring things to mention.)

Ciaoy babes!

posted by Sheila Monday, November 29, 2004
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Murderers and Rights

Alright, I admit this is probably a very hazy area, too many emotions involved, etc. But if I hear the *reasons* why the lawyer of the guy who supposedly murdered Van Gogh doesn't want the picture of his client on tv, I could almost vomit.

On the radio they said he (lawyer) doesn't want his client's pic on tv coz it (here goes)... "it's a violation of his privacy". EXCOOTH ME?? What about Van Gogh's privacy? What about Van Gogh's SON's privacy?!

Now it's said in a paper (their site on line) the lawyer figures the suspect's "elementary basic rights" are being violated. Ugh. Don't even get me BLOODY STARTED!

If the lawyer had a good reason for not wanting his pic on tv, right, sobeit. And I realize you could be a suspect yet be innocent - you wouldn't want your pic on national tv (that's why it's forbidden to publicize his or her pic in the first place). This guy was pretty much caught in the act, still shooting when he was arrested.

Oh gosh, I hear his lawyer on tv now, telling about his privacy. He's implying he might be innocent. I guess that's more matter of speech.

If I'm a suspect yet innocent, I wouldn't want my pic on tv. In Dutchie land we publish his first name and an initial for his family name. Abroad his name's being published in full though. It's a difficult matter. Yet I agree in this specific case. They should NOT change the rules in general.

Hmm... Actually... I'm not even sure if it's something journalists agreed on, or whether it's a law thing. I guess the first, coz otherwise his lawyer needn't sue the tv broadcaster planning on showing his pic in full (without a black box across his eyes).

So... a bit of an emotional start, and a more rational finish...

Talking about death: our queen's dad is pretty much dying. He's in his 90s (93).

Bugger. I might agree with his lawyer after all, I think he was right to ask a lawyer to decide on this. AAGH. Difficult.

posted by Sheila Monday, November 29, 2004
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Here's what I wrote this afternoon (copy paste):

To be posted

29 november 2004, 14.26

Yihaa! I’m not online, so I’m writing this in word. First time I’ve taken my iBook out for a stroll :-) (Very much beaming with sheer pleasure here!) Jazzy music on the background, a view over the canals (I’m at a crossing), my bike on the bridge, tulips on the left (and the book I’m translating), latte and water on the right (complimentary cake’s already finished). I almost felt like asking “is this alright?”, like I dunno, she might take offense, me working here. Hm.. Anyways. Did I already mention the two small candles on the right? ;-)

Two women here with very, very small kiddo’s. Like popped out a few weeks ago. The one is feeding hers, bottle, no breast. Wonder why. Weird. Just imagine me and Nina sitting here, two years from now. Can you? I can’t.

Right. It’s 2.30 on the dot. Gotta translate. Meeting up with A. (university friend) at 4pm, right here. She’s known to cancel at the last moment, but I’ve got her order (Herbalife) with me, so I’m guessing I’ve got a pretty good chance of her showing up. (And no, I’m not an active distributor, but if one asks, I deliver.)

Ow!!! Me and my lap, aka mac, aka iBook, me love me love me love this piece of hardware!

3.38pm Wouldn’t it be funny if Latte Guy walked in, his laptop under his arm (well, he’s always got it on one shoulder, in a few years from now that’ll be rotten), planning on sitting on this very same bench, to work as well? It would be. It reminds of the time we had agreed on not seeing each other anymore. I kept wondering how it would be like if he and I would meet somewhere, out of the blue. It actually happened, too. That was WEIRD, I was shaking all over.

Got to tune out of Sheila Channel, re-running those old memories ;-)

3.50pm Great. To make this really, really like that period, Norah Jones is singing “got to see you again”. That was pretty much the song that triggered immediate Latte Guy longing.

posted by Sheila Monday, November 29, 2004
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Hip hip hurray!

My football (aka soccer) team is back in the top 3. Unfortunately we're still way behind on Numero Uno, but hey, we're 3rd! Only feel bad for my bro, coz he supports the team that got kicked out of this top three.

Contemplating on going to The Movies tomorrow, to see Coffee and Cigarettes after all. Bit of a strange time, 10 to 7.

I'm gonna take a virtual coffee break now :-) Check out the site above and you'll know what I mean. Promise: last post today! Sleep tight.

posted by Sheila Sunday, November 28, 2004
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Oi!

Long time since I heard someone say that.
Yesterday I copied all posts I have made in the past - it added up to an amount of pages you wouldn't believe. I also got curious - what did I write a year ago? I remember very well Latte Guy going to New Zealand. It was a weird time. I read the post I wrote exactly a year ago today. About an elephant standing on my chest. I also read the post I wrote November 30, 2003, which was weird, coz I referred to that exact day *this* year. The day after tomorrow.

I should have gone to the movies tonight. WHY DIDN'T I? Was it really coz I wanted to finally get rid of the dishes in the sink, an honest collection of a week not doing it? (Er, dishes, that is.) Also I washed a second load of bed linen, coz I bought new ones. I should throw out the ones I got from my aunty when I moved out of my mum's place, like bloody ages ago. Actually NINA (this is a made up name, just to allow some more privacy) and I were talking about that yesterday, at this cafe close to Sunday Spot. Or was it in the leather feautuils on the bridge, downtown (ain't gonna tell where, but they serve coffee ;-).

~Sidetrack~
It was weird, while I stared outside, I could see the pub me and PrevSig would go during breaks (yeah, we met at college). I told her that was the spot he broke up with me. Her face expressed such horror, I realised she thought I meant our Real Breakup. "No," I laughed, "this was the one after which we stayed together for another seven or eight years". When Prevvie and I started out, I had just gotten out of my first relation ever, plus he was afraid of losing his freedom (I guess this is very 5x2, the movie ;-). So we both were pretty darn sure we didn't want to be involved in a relationship anyway. After about half a year, we figured we were in one after all, so we gave it a name: re-la-tion. Only to be clueless as to how to treat one another after stating that fact. So a week later he called it official quits right then and there (I still remember what table), only to invite me immediately after to come for dinner two days later. Seeing his hesitant smile it dawned on me: we are gonna continue this, only without the name thingy. That worked out quite well for quite a long time, I must say.
~End sidetrack~

It's weird (and that's how I got to thinking about the above sidetrack anyways): it seems like a whole other lifetime. Almost someone else's. Looking out of the window that looked out over the canal and that one pub, I wondered out loud: "Wouldn't it be weird if you could see yourself walking outside now, six years ago, or even longer?" Coz I had lived close to that bridge. And discussing our time in this city, I've come to realize I've been living here for over 12 years. TWELVE! I thought 11,5 and somehow it didn't sound as much. August '92 - current.

Oh gosh, only wanted to drop a line telling I had read my posts a year ago, plus Amber's blog up until 3am last night, yet I'm babbling again. Sorry, folks. Okay, all I'm trying to explain, is how I wondered what it would be like to be able to see yourself wandering down the street, so many years ago. Like Michael could in one of those Back to the Future episodes. What would I think of myself, if I could see me now, walking around back then?

Even that Elephant-post, only a year ago, seems like ages and ages ago. It's weird to think I might be reading this post November 28, 2005. Whom will I be fancying, seeing, dating, whatever, where will I WORK? Wow, that capslock was unintentional, you'd almost think it's Freudian if it weren't for the fact I keep hitting the darn button pretty much ever other time I try to hit the letter A.

I'm pretty sure I'll still be living in this same aptm. No worries, as long as I continue doing all those things I'm doing, it's because I haven't felt (enough) need to change it. Coz if I really would want to change this limbo situation with Latte Guy, this job of mine, this house, this city, this country, there's nothing REAL to stop me from doing it - apart from my mum being miserable if I moved out of the country, I guess. And missing my friends P. and Nina. And my cat! And brother. But their lives would continue, with or without me. No probs there.

JOB - there's always the possibility to start working in pubs, deliver mail, etc. etc. As long as I've got dough to eat and pay the rent, I'm good.
HOUSE - if I'd move to Auckland, Sevilla, wherever, I'm pretty sure I'd find a place to stay very soon (my cat would die of grief though)
COUNTRY - er, well, there's no point in moving within Dutchie land is there (??) Unless I'd find that house I fancy. Close to this town, obviously. Seems way more impossible than finding a place abroad though.
GUY - ........ Ugh. I don't know. Q1: Why am I still seeing him? "Coz he's the sweetest, interesting man with a very healthy appetite for great sex." Q2: Why should I stop seeing him? "As long as I keep seeing him, I'm bound to stay single." So I guess I can herewith finally prove I'm not desperate for a bf. Yihaa! Told ya so.

Fine, now, that's settled.
Should I publish this post? Oh gosh. Hell, why not. You readers are bound to skip this blog after that loooooooooong post yesterday for weeks anyway. *Grin*.

One more Q: does anyone know where to find the delete button on an iBook? Thx mates.

mood - er.... feel like having Baileys, yum

Are you on a chemical push?

posted by Sheila Sunday, November 28, 2004
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Buy Nothing!

Well, that's what some people say, like my NYC hostboy, who's in this very pic:

Buy Nothing Day
Pic made by Fred Askew.

posted by Sheila Sunday, November 28, 2004
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Hey there!

Here I am, a lazy saturday evening at home. Drinking my second cup of coffee, sitting on the couch with my iBook on my lap, and some sweet stuff on my left ("gevuld speculaas"). One of the advantages of being single: you get to eat it all alone ;-) Haha (not being cynical here, actually smiling).

Listening to "Dead and Lovely", Tom Waits. Haven't heard the whole album yet, it's VAR (various artists). Can't tell too much about it, already told Ilona I'm gonna copy it for her bd (birthday). She'll be leaving a week before though, so have to give it upfront. She's leaving me all alone to celebrate New Year's Eve! Boohoo!! What to do, what to do... With my ex bf we sometimes spent NYE at home, just the two of us. I remember the first time, he lived in a student complex in a town south of this little village I live in (800,000 inhabitants). Once the clock had hit 12, we left his room to wish the two only other peeps on his floor a happy new year, and looked at the fireworks from their room. PrevSig and I felt really naughty for spending The Night at home, youngsters as we were. We've done it at least once after that (spending it at home). Once we spent it with a couple - food, whole shebang. They brought the NYE delicacy we eat here in Dutchie land: oliebollen. OH MY GOD. They brought the ones made by a bakery. Those taste like regular buns with raisins. We were so disappointed. One of the vans selling these oliebollen has already returned to its yearly spot in our shopping street. I've resisted the temptation so far. Had one in october, with an American visiting me, at the Carnival. I remember the girl of the other couple wanted to talk about female ejaculation that NYE. I've always wondered whether she had them, and whether or not she wanted to know if I had them. I didn't say.

Yez I fell like binging, so I got myself one of the nasty (for HUGE) pizza's, the one I stopped eating coz I approached the 75kilo's. Beyond 75k I guess everything is lost. Why? Just remember my max okay weight is 70!! So 74.4 was a nasty number to hear when I went for a fitness test January 22, this year. And I'm not being girlie bitch here, nagging about 2 drops of fat too many. If I were that kind a girl, I would wanna weigh er... let 's think... Probably 62 (don't those babes always choose a weight that ain't a pretty sight?). Anyways. Skipping the Oldfashioned Sheila Dinners (I described those before) and going back to the gym twice a week, made me lose weight without me realizing it (I wasn't on a diet, I just wanted to be more healthy again - and I figured the amount of pizza's and bonbonbloc and pringles were a disaster for my inner parts). Cool surprise though, when I started to realize my trousers were getting too big. One disadvantage: at one point they didn't fit anymore. They had become too large... Weird huh? Very. Anyways, now I'm about 67, sometimes even below. I think it's hilarious, coz I don't try, I just try to not overdo the whole binge shit. And I HAVE to sport tomorrow, otherwise I will only have been doing something once this week, whereas I think twice is a minimum. They predicted rain for tomorrow morning, ugh. I really should get some running clothes. I got a sleeveless wind breaker from John one day, which I wear every single time I go for a run. But it's getting cold. I have to go to Runner's World and get some info PLUS clothes. Are you bored yet, with this whole story? Well, bad luck, I'm not. Ha!

Thursday was my first opportunity to go to the gym. Monday I wasn't at the office (hence no opp to work out: gym=@work), plus... way more important... I was going to see Interpol for the second time, in Paradiso. With a bunch of people I know through a friend of mine. I really like his friends. The first time we met I thought they were uppity and looked down on me for whatever reason. Dunno why. Anyways, I like them! Met up with friend's gf for the first time. She seemed quite nice. I don't really get her nickname though, I'd say it's a girl's nick, not a woman's. Whatever! A shame he had to leave early (obviously she left too). We went to look for him (them) at the same bar we started out at (fish tank near venue), I scored a free sigar (which would turn out to be the 2nd of a total of 3 that eve), but we didn't find him. So we went to Weber, where we had beers after 'our' first Interpol gig as well (for the majority of the group it was the 3rd Interpol gig).

Rumours were the band would go there too. Well, the only guy I bumped into there, was a cute bloke (if you're gay) I met at Occii once. Such a nice guy, yet he and a friend of mine don't seem to hit it off, bit of a shame. I promised once again to come and have dinner at this restaurant he's working at. I should, I should.

I'm talking loads of yada yada today, am I not? Ha! Like if I care ;-) Er... a bit, maybe. Meaning: don't wanna offend the few readers I've got. Anyways. Remember I bought shite like this Too Big Pizza yez? Yep, that's the red thread, you've found it. I rented three dvd's to go with it, 6 euro 60. Not too bad. I actually found 3 films I hadn't seen yet, but were on my list: Bend it like Beckham (saw it yez eve), About a Boy (tried to copy that one yez) and Good Bye Lenin (which doesn't seem like a nice film to me, but it's a Must See I guess). When I paid, I saw Noi Albinoi. Bugger. Gotto rent that one next time.

Wait, another thread was about going to the gym. I couldn't go tuesday (which is way too busy anyway, as a guy at work aptly pointed out to me) coz I was going to see Mr Nick Cave for the very first time in my life, in the beer hall (HMH). Supposedly (one Interpolfriend told me) Mercury Rev was their (multiple for Cave comes with Bad Seeds) opening show. Bugger, bugger: our train just didn't want to leave. First we had to leave the train, and wait for another one. Then we were asked to leave the last part of that second train and enter in the part upfront. So even though three times turned out to be a charm yet again, we had missed the whole show. Darn! Me and I. went with two friends of her ex bf. One of them is beyond cool when it comes to being someone's bf. He should give courses, haha (broad grin on my face).

My cat's jumping up on the couch and crawles right on top of me; ever since I'm working on a laptop, he considers it cozy to come join us (me and mac). "I couldn't help but wonder... (the one and pretty much only thing I did NOT like about SatC)...how bad are his hairs for my computer?" Hmm... Thinking of Carrie, I shouldn't forget to make backups...

Wednesday... Why didn't I go to the gym on wednesday? Why, I can't remember! Oh, d'oh... Oops and sorry. I can. When I got home after Cave's Gig, parked my bike, turned the corner to my place, Latte Guy just parked his in front of my building. So I didn't go to the office on wednesday - no, I didn't call in sick, I merely took the day I had planned in the first place -> i.e.: I had planned on taking the day off, yet thought about going anyway, coz of the work load. As we didn't go to sleep until 3.30am I quickly forgot about that. So not being at work = not being in the proximity of the gym.

Thursday I was supposed to swap concert experiences with the guy at work - he'd be going to Soulwax the same eve I got to see Cave, or... No, wait. He said he didn't want to go to the gym on tuesdays (too busy, he's right), yet on wednesday he couldn't go coz of the gig. Anyways, Work Guy never showed, so don't ask if Soulwax was any good, coz I wouldn't know ;-p I had a blast anyway, coz I got to work out with D. He's been a fighter up in the top rankings of Dutchy land (I think he came in second at one time) and we got to work out together: weights. I hardly ever do that, coz it's so boring (you've got to wait in between, the exercises are boring). That is, until I got to do them with him. He knows this stuff. And the wait in between (you HAVE to pause in between series) is quite different if you're looking at "your partner" doing the same (only with loads more k's). It's cool if you've got a personal coach. It's way cool!

Leg press, me: I do this at 50. His answer: right, we'll do it at 80. Er.. Okay. It was awesome, it was a whole different kind of exercise (too hard to explain here). Anyways. I've got sore muscles. I feel every muscle in my body. It's awesome!!! Next day he walked past me in the hallway, and asked how I was doing. He was really proud I had sore muscles, yet not too bad - you don't want to overdo it, right. Ugh, I'm so easy to please. Gimme a cool workout and I'm euphoric. It's just so great to feel you've been working out, yet not having punished it to a point it's not sane. I mean, I can still get up out of a chair (don't ask me to
pick something up something from the floor though, oof, ouch!).

Just a few minutes ago I got two empty messages sent by Run Guy - someone I talked to loads at the running group down at the park. The group I joined, yet haven't been to for EIGHT WEEKS in a row. 4x working too late to make it, 3x abroad, 1x friend in tears. Last week I felt I had to make a decision regarding this running. Work Guy pointing out what I already know: tuesdays busy to a point it's more than annoying: simply frustrating. Plus yet another thursday not being able to leave on time to get to the park in time, adds up to what I should've figured out two weeks ago. I'm gonna go and run on tuesdays (only one BIG disadvantage: group is way bigger than thursdays), go to the gym wednesday and thursday. I'm gonna miss the workout with D on mondays, but I can blend in on thursdays. D is a colleague, not an official trainer there. I probably already mentioned that. Colleagues next day: "you're quite enthousiastic about this guy, Sheila". Me, annoyed: "I'm enthousiastic about the workout. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I wanna drag every nice guy straight into bed with me". It must've sounded like a snap, coz he apologized! Ooops.

The speculaas is finished... My period started today though. So I guess my hormones are really, really getting into shape. Me having PMS a while ago, for the very first time. Me getting these monthly sweet cravings, right before. Not to mention my breasts turning into painful balloons. Isn't your body supposed to be 'up and ready' around the age of 25? Weird. And so utterly useless (please note the absence of words like 'painfully' or 'awkwardly'). Although there's no need whatsoever for this smooth body work, I am very proud my body works like clockwork. I won't ever get back on the pill, that's for sure. My body knows what to do. Also the one thing burning on your mind for sure: am I more lusty? Hell, yeah! (Ugh, on the other hand that would be a v. good reason to get back on it after all, way more peaceful. *Grin*.) Alright, getting off track here.

What else could I babble on about..? About the weight of my cat's head on my left arm? No... About me not wanting to spend xmas with my family and feeling ashamed for it, coz I have a fam to share it with and should consider myself lucky? About me not wanting to spend NYE like some leper, having no one to celebrate it with? Fuck that, I'm gonna decide right here right now I'm gonna spend it with my cat. Or maybe I'm gonna book a hotel somewhere (I've got a voucher so you can go for 30 euros each. There's an extra fee if you're gonna go alone, obviously. Dunno if it's another 30, but, oh well, others spend it on fireworks, right. And do I need permission to spend 60 euri on myself? D'oh, no way!). Maybe... Well... Actually, I feel like spending the eve at the beach. I dunno why. I guess ever since I strolled down Surat Bay, without anyone within sight, I've got a thing for it. Yet I fear there will be loads of people on the beach on NYE. And I'm not gonna wanna talk. Naaah... Hmm... Yeah, I'm gonna find a hotel on the beach somewhere. And I ain't gonna tell no one where. Fuck that. Just bring a camera, start rolling, and I feel very protagonista-lalalaaaaaa. (Oh come on, of course I'm not taking this all seriously up to the point of being pathetic!) (Which doesn't mean I meant the whole xmas and hotel on NYE bit). All this abbreviating NYE so reminds me of NYC. Would love to go to Times Square. On the other hand, the mere size of the crowd might scare me shitless.

Alright. Got a plan A and B for NYE. Now I need to settle the whole bloody xmas shite and I'm done. Then: 2005. The year in which I simply MUST find another job. The year I planned on leaving Amsterdam if I were to be single in August still, giving myself 3 to 4 months to find a job abroad. It gets scarily close, that month. Am I gonna keep myself to this promise? Yikes. Oh well, not to worry until the 8th month does hit 2005. I might have run under a bus by then, so why worry now, eh. Wait a sec though! What's to worry? Would I really mind celebrating NYE in my new hometown somewhere else on this globe? I might actually look forward to such a thing. Ain't life sweet. Choices everywhere. Doors to enter.

Well, I had missed this airtalk thingy (like playing air guitar, only regarding conversations).

That's funny. Just as I wanted to call it a wrap, I get an e-mail. It's from a guy I met in Spain, from whom I hadn't heard since (I think I offended him at some point, not taking him serious about some stuff). Cool. Its subject: "sorry from granada, spain". So I'm leaving you folks, you all having screen eyes and all (or perhaps drewl all over your keyboard, coz you fell asleep while reading). Curious what he's got to say, and also wondering what I've been writing above. So am gonna read his mail, then this post (draft), and then I'm gonna publish it. Say goodnight now, girl! "GOODNIGHT."

Love y'all and all that jazz. It's Saturday, 10.27pm.

Now it's 10.32. Was laughing out loud, the e-mail was funny (not weird, fun). I shall copy a bit here, just a mo... Here goes:

"The rumour spreading like wild fire in Amsterdam is that you are thinking of advertising for a man to provide essential services, as defined by you, during the winter period .Of course,contract to be renew on excellent performance or cancel on bad performance. Just one question ,when can l apply. First class reference available."

Okay. Just read it again. This wasn't meant to be funny. Oops. Oh right. Geez.

Sorry dude... Still got Latte Guy on my mind. I know, call me stupid, etc. Don't want to discuss that Latte Guy bit now (did I ever mention we spent three days in Berlin? Too early though, too early). I'm gonna re-read this outrageously long and undoubtedly utterly boring post, before I'm gonna publish it anyway (boring or not). One last thing: my mood. Now, what IS my mood. I'm feeling quite good! I'm content... but maybe unkymood's got a comic hero displaying even better what I feel like. Gonna surf there now... Another mo pleez.... and then you'll read it two lines below!

Mood - happy!!

PS Changed computer, don't remember my password, so for now, no change in unky comic!
PPS Just noticed Run Guy sent another message (never heard). If I'm going to run at the park tuesday, I must warn him, so I don't have to go there on my own in the dark. That is SOOOOO sweet. If I were to keep scores, that would score at least a tenner. Definitely.
PPPS I should upload a pic of Spain Bloke and let you gals decide ;-) Not!

posted by Sheila Saturday, November 27, 2004
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8.10am

Just read my mail. I’m at work, too tired to even smile. Ugh, didn’t get to sleep until 2.45, yet at 6.45 my alarm went off. “Goodmoooooohnin miss, wakey, wakey!” Well, no, that’s NOT my real alarm, obviously. I'd have thrown it out by now.

It’s a good thing I’ve got a day off tomorrow. Workwise I should come in (office) and work a day extra, not less, but hey, I’m being considerate here. Another might have come and slept behind his/her desk.

Fuck, and I hardly dare get coffee. Aftertaste of beer and too many sigars (once you pop you can’t stop, haha). It was fun though, great fun. This time it was more the peeps than the gig – I liked Interpol better at Melkweg. It was a good crowd, I was hanging out with.

Oh, bugger. No hangover, no headache, merely SLEEPY. And longing for a good night sex, if I may say so. And why should I not? Longing, longing...

Work, work, or sit back and enjoy a day off, whatever it is you’re gonna do today…

posted by Sheila Tuesday, November 23, 2004
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Warmth

This morning it was six degrees in my kitchen. Right. Time for action.

At 8.30am I've taken the stove off the wall in my study (me she-raw, me power). After some vicious cleaning (i.e.: take every lose bit out, vacuum the shit out of the thing) and nasty persistence pressing the gas button.... I notice a v., v., *very* small reaction. Without thinking I turned the button. Et voila! Fire! Fire! ("There's kerosine around!" - well, no, that would be exaggerating ;-)

Anyway, my hands are freezing while I'm typing this, but with a very satisfied (non sexual, d'oh) grin on my face, I'm gonna get myself coffee and breakfast. It's already 9.30 now, but hey, there's fire in da houzz! I'm sure my sweet, beautiful, and did I mention SWEET cat will love me even more for creating some warmth. He enjoys sleeping right next to the stove (and the one in the living room I don't dare leave on when leaving the house).

Zzzzzzz.... another classis boring post written by Sheila.

mood - content, yet "accomplished" is too apt to ignore! ;-)

posted by Sheila Friday, November 12, 2004
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Jobs

I’ve decided I must have changed jobs before winter 2005. Actually, before autumn would be better. Before summer would be great.

Yes, I do love my job, I do love working 3 days at an office and 2 days freelance at home. But I’ve been at this dept. for too long. And I should change. I’m just over thirty, and I’m scared of changing jobs already. Very, very bad. Changing companies would be a good idea. But changing departments quite necessary.

Last night I was thinking about having lunch with someone I’ve only just met, here at the office. Working at a new dept. I was imagining him asking: “Why don’t you come work for us?” And somehow I thought I’d be delighted.

This morning I checked the jobs site of my company. Two vacancies at that particular dept., the one I was having these thoughts about. One for a freelancer, 16-24 hrs a week. One “for real”, 32-36 hrs a week. Would I wanna work there? That question gets flooded by a stream of water called “they wouldn’t even consider…”

Fucked up fart, haha, that’s what I am. But please DO remind me when spring 2005 has started, and I’ve not made any mention of a new job.

mood - precoccupied

posted by Sheila Tuesday, November 09, 2004
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Truly back now...

...coz I've spent the afternoon (12.30pm-6pm) translating, with the obligatory breaks in between (my arm). Did a good job, I'm proud! And slightly surprised. I've got WAY too much translation work lying around, so I might shove one book into someone else's mouth... Gonna bring it to work tomorrow (..) and give Other Translator a call.

It's just been 6pm and it's pitch-black out, pitch-dark, whatever. Pick your choice. Wow. Dark indeed!

Anyways, tomorrow gotto go to the office, an extra day. So my schedule (translating) has to make up for that missing day. Or something. Oh, ouch, sorry! First longer blog and I'm boring the shit out of you, sorry, sorry, me v. sorry..!

I'm already wearing gloves behind the screen, and it ain't even below zero yet, not even close! Quite promising. How I adore these gas heated houses (NOT). Fingers are still cold. Feel my neck, arm seems to be good. Pfew!

Missed out on Damer's cd presentation friday in occii... So very sorry I couldn't go!! Would have loved to see Freek play again (bass player), and it would've been the last time with their drum girl. Also v. curious what their cd would be like. Crawled on the couch I played their first album, so I could be there in spirit. Not v. much comforting, but hey, it was a good try.

Friday I did get to go to see Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason. On my way there, I bumped into a friend of mine (acquaintance??) who's moved back up north. We got to talk about his work (he's a writer!) and mine (I'm a... er.... what am I? Philosophy...) He asked me about my writing lately. Ugh. Pretty non existent. He started to tell me about all these people sending manuscripts to him, taking courses, trying so hard to finish a book, yet encountering so many difficulties. He compared their struggles with mine. Apologetic I answered: "but my book wrote itself". He replied "that's what all great authors say!" I was like... flabbergasted... I suggested us meeting for coffee when he'd be back in the city (he comes to meet with his publisher on a irregular basis). He said: "I'll agree to that, but then you're gonna have to write, so we can talk about it." I was quite impressed by his effort trying to make me see. He actually said: "you've got an unmistakable talent, use it". Wow. Sooooo WEIRD.

I so wanted to share this whole convo with Latte Guy, but he's been working and/or in hiding, couldn't get in touch with him all weekend. So I've done the No Go Thing: left a message on his cell right after the convo, sent him a text message in the evening, and when he didn't return my call or text, I even texted him in the morning, saying I had hoped he'd call/write. Bad Dobby, bad Dobby. Very, very bad. I know... He wrote one message in return after breakfast, but sometimes a message only widens the distance, if you know what I mean. So to top it off, I sent another message yez eve, but it's been silent ever since. You shut your mouth, woman... I will, I do, I am!

Don't think I'm all depressed here, actually I'm feeling quite chirpy :-) Eventhough I *do* realize I *do* have to find myself another job. Parttime. Very good money? Three days a week. Not so much? Four. But I've got to leave this company. I've become part of their furniture. A lovely piece at that ;-) but still!

Ugh, haven't even told you about ALL my friends breaking up with their beloved ones. What kind of zodiac year IS this?? I wish them all the best, I know it sucks big time, breaking up after so many years (or in one case, after 1,5 year).

Enough, this sexy lady (d'oh) is gonna get herself some FOOD. Ciao honey pies!!


mood - bubbly

posted by Sheila Sunday, November 07, 2004
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Lovely day

Yes, it’s been a remarkable day for (Dutch) democracy. Big Message of yesterday’s killing seems to be: shut your mouth, or else you’ll be shot (i.e. we’ll shut it for you).

Of course there’s the obvious exceptions, like girls not covering their hair or merely being Dutch, being ho’s, there’s no prob in saying that, you can always say that, d’oh! There’s no extremist or nature boy (think Fortuyn) spreading bullets around for that (and please, do NOT consider this an invite to do so, coz if you wanna fight, use your fists in a one on one encounter, or rather, and so much more sophisticated, use WORDS).

Here’s some sites you can check out: BBC, CNN and Bloomberg.

PS Indeed, I'm finally back from my hols!

posted by Sheila Wednesday, November 03, 2004
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